One of the things that we hear over and over again when it comes to dating and relationships is that men love a confident woman.
Maybe you’re someone who constantly compares yourself to other women out there wishing that you could be as confident, as happy, and as strong as what they are.
However, when you stop and think about all your flaws, you pull into this tight ball and you think, “I could never be like her, or I could never be as confident as she is.”
Now, I want to address confidence because I feel like it’s one of those words that are thrown around, and we kind of think, “Well, shouldn’t I be feeling it as I get older, or are people just naturally born with it, and why is it that I still don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, let alone confident to be able to go on a date or pose certain questions?”
I believe it is based on the conviction that who you are is enough and what you have to offer the world is also enough.
However, that being said, sometimes we just need some really practical advice on how to be able to cultivate confidence so that we can actually feel that we have some sort of control and progress with this emotion.
Hey Everyone. Welcome back to my blog. I’m Renee Slansky and I am a professional dating and relationship coach, and I help set women up for success in love, date smart, break toxic cycles, and get the relationship they desire and deserve while still being authentic.
Well, what I want to do is I want to give you two things. First, I want to give you five tips to be able to really be this confident, happy, amazing woman despite your flaws, and I want to also offer you an amazing opportunity as well. So let’s not waste any more time and dive into it right away.
So before I dive into these tips, don’t forget to subscribe. Give me a thumbs up and drop thanks, Renee here on my YouTube Channel if this is helping you.
All right, tip number one. What we need to do is we need to separate your flaws from your identity, or your who from your do or your poo.
Obviously, I don’t actually mean poo, I mean like the yucky parts that you don’t like about yourself.
When we think of flaws, we usually think of the way that we look, the things that we’ve done, or maybe even our past and our circumstances.
- Like if you’re a single mum, maybe you see your status as a single mum as a flaw.
- Somebody that has a disability, maybe you see your disability as a flaw.
- If you’re somebody that is overweight, underweight, sick, or somebody that isn’t exactly financially where you want to be.
We can see all these things as flaws and as a reason why we shouldn’t actually be celebrating who we are, and it can weigh us down.
What we need to do at this moment is we need to actually separate the two and realize just because we’ve done something, feel something, or experienced something doesn’t necessarily mean that that is who we are.
If we can divide our flaws from our identity, it gives us an opportunity to really step into who we want to be and who we actually are authentic despite the stuff that we don’t like about ourselves.
2. Focus on assertiveness, not necessarily ego or appearance
I feel like there’s a stigma that’s attached to confidence. We kind of think that confidence is somebody that has this energy around them, that they are fabulous and sometimes it can borderline almost ego and narcissistic as well.
True confidence isn’t about trying to prove anything.
Confidence isn’t about putting on a facade all the time.
Maybe in the beginning, until you feel like you’ve got this deep conviction, you may have to fake it till you make it.
However, at the end of the day, real confidence isn’t about trying to prove something to somebody else, whether you’re on a date or in a relationship.
It’s about having this quiet knowing that who you are is enough.
I believe that confidence comes from a place of assertiveness. And assertiveness can really be communicated through simple things like saying no when you don’t want to do something or setting boundaries.
Boundaries are a big way to actually show that you are confident in your decisions and confident in what it is that you value.
If you’re somebody who thinks that confidence comes only from your ego or your appearance, you’ll be consistently focused on how you look on the outside and how other people perceive you on your outside.
Therefore, what you’ll do is you’ll start to go, “Okay, well, if I look this certain way, I’ll get a certain amount of attention, and therefore my value is attached to that amount of attention or my appearance.” and that basically sets you up to be exhausted.
It sets you up to attract probably the wrong sort of attention for the wrong reason, and it makes you consistently pull yourself apart or feel that you have to be focused solely on status or appearance in order to actually be valued, loved, or accepted.
Obviously, confidence is something that can take time to be able to build, and I don’t believe that we should be going our whole life in this anxious state of never feeling like we’re enough
So what I’ve done is I’ve actually teamed up with one of the world’s, in fact, British’s best therapist ever, Marisa Peer, and I’ve actually teamed up with her and her team to be able to offer you guys access to her 21-day confidence challenge.
I’ve actually already got access to this and it’s pretty amazing. I’ve been going through and doing the lessons and the videos.
This is a challenge that basically gives you a 20-minute professional coaching therapy lesson every single day and an exercise as well as accountability, the community, like Q&As, meditations, everything that you possibly need in order to be able to set you up to be able to build a confident mindset and habit.
The reason why it is 21 days is that they say scientifically speaking it takes 21 days to build a habit.
What I want to do is I want to offer you not only access to this 21-day challenge, but Marisa has also given me a special code that I’m offering you guys where you actually get 50% off, which is pretty amazing. Just use the code: RENEE for 50% off!
Click here so you can find out more about it and don’t forget to use my code.
3. See rejection and failure as feedback
What we tend to do, especially when it comes to love and dating, is we have this idea in our head of how we think it should go, and then all of a sudden it doesn’t go that way or the guy that we like rejects us, or our relationship fails or our marriage fails, and we just assume that we’re not enough.
Let’s be honest, it really does take a hit to our confidence levels.
Again, if we can separate our experiences from our identity and our emotions and actually use this as a learning tool and as feedback for how we can improve our lives, this gives us a sense of control, which then, in turn, gives us a sense of confidence, and it actually helps set ourselves up to be able to move forward instead of constantly being stuck in the past or the flaws or things that didn’t go to plan.
4. Own yourself and quit comparing.
I was someone that was constantly comparing myself for years and years.
The moment that you actually own who you are, flaws and all, no matter your size, shape, past, it’s like you step into this special zone.
This zone is something that you should honor and protect because this zone is about you being your true authentic self.
Owning yourself and not comparing yourself to others is easier said than done.
So what I want to do is give you a couple of tips on that.
- Get off social media or unfollow any account if you feel like you’re constantly comparing yourself to that person.
- Practice looking at yourself in the mirror every single day and actually saying one affirmation into that mirror as you look at yourself.
So by standing in front of the mirror on a daily basis and saying a beautiful affirmation over yourself, it’ll start to reprogram your mind to believe that what you see and what you say actually corresponds.
This is also why I actually really liked Marisa Peer’s work and what comes with her challenge is because she actually has a brain reprogram.
5. Surround yourself with people who celebrate you
If you’re feeling a lack of confidence in your love life reassess who you hang around and reassess also what you absorb because we become easily influenced by our environment.
Do you have friends that always put you down? Do you have family that maybe pull you to pieces? Or do you surround yourself with people who lift you up? Do you go on dates with men who actually make you feel really sexy and beautiful? Who do you engage with? What do you engage with?
Because I can tell you right now, it will directly affect how you feel about yourself and how you see yourself.
All right, ladies, I hope that this blog has really helped you grasp onto some practical things in order to be able to start setting yourself up to feel more confident in who you are.
Now if this blog has helped you, let me know by dropping a thanks Renee, and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel.
Remember, you can get that 50% discount with the 21-day confidence challenge with Marisa Peer by using the code: RENEE.
I’ve been loving the challenge personally, and I’m excited for you guys to be able to do it as well.
All right, until next time, I will see you soon. Bye for now.