Do you to tend to attract a man who wants you to nurse him or support him? If you’re tired of the ‘nurse or purse’, watch this video!
A big complaint I hear from women dating in midlife is that men are just looking for a nurse (someone to take care of them) or a purse (someone to support them). In this video, I’ll share tips on how to not attract those men, and how to attract a more equitable relationship where you support each other.
If you’re dating in midlife, you’ll meet many men over 50 who have let themselves go. They don’t eat well. They don’t exercise. And they’re suffering from multiple ailments, which they often share with you on a first date. You’re left feeling like a caretaker or a nurse. Why would you want to sign on for that?
Then, there are the men whose finances were wiped out in a divorce. They feel poor and victimized. They still carry resentment towards their ex, and they share their sad stories of being broke and taken advantage of on the first date. Why would you want to date that guy?
I want to point out that while this may have been your experience, not all men are like that. And for every man who wants a nurse or a purse (or even a therapist or a mommy), there are women who want the same thing. Be honest with yourself; do you want a man who has wealth, someone who can help take care of you financially? Do you want someone who will be there if you get sick?
Instead of immediately assuming a man will want something from you and drain you, please believe there are many men who will add to your life. There are men who are looking for an equal partner.
My recommendation is to see each man as a clean slate. You know nothing about him, so don’t project on him based on your past experiences. It’s important to get to know each man as an individual and not put all men in a box.
Look for a partner who has your must-haves and none of your deal breakers. Date someone who’s willing to share new experiences with you, not someone who complains about the past and needs a chaperone to his next doctor’s appointment.
If a man does complain about his health or financial situation, set some boundaries right away. Let him know you’re interested in learning about what you two have in common, and you want to focus on the positives right now.
If he gets hostile, he’s shown you who he is, and it’s time to walk away. If he’s apologetic and is able to change the conversation, he’s showing you he has more of a growth mindset, and that’s a great thing.
After every date, check in with how you feel according to Author Logan Ury’s Post-Date Eight:
- What side of me did he bring out?
- How did my body feel during the date (stiff, relaxed, or something in between)?
- Do I feel more energized or drained than I did before the date?
- Is there something about him I’m curious to know?
- Did he make me laugh?
- Did I feel heard?
- Did I feel attractive in his presence?
- Did I feel captivated, bored, or something in between?
I encourage you to have an open mind and give potential partners a chance. You might rediscover the FUN of dating, and finally find the partner you’re seeking.
If you’ve tried dating on your own without much success and would like to find love, apply for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy and discover how coaching can help https://lastfirstdate.com/breakthrough
Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate
Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love.