So what happens when you go on a really great date and you think” that’s the girl for me, that’s the guy for me” I’m super excited to take them on a second date, but they don’t feel the same.
Well, in this week’s session of Ask Renee, I had a male message me, one of my followers on Instagram, and he asked me, Renee, what do I do when it comes to getting over a date that just didn’t work out? I really liked it.
I thought it was going to go somewhere, and you know what? It just didn’t happen. She didn’t feel the same. How do I move past that? Let’s talk about that in this week’s session of #AskRenee.
How To Get Over Someone You Only Dated Once
Hey guys, welcome back to my blog. I’m Renee Slansky. I’m a professional dating and relationship coach, and I help women and men from around the world find and build the relationship they desire and deserve. Alrighty. So here’s my answer to this question.
If you’re going on a date with someone and it just doesn’t work out, either they don’t feel the same or it all started off amazing. And then it just kind of fizzled.
How do you move past that?
I think a lot of the time we think that we have to have a relationship to justify why we need to get over somebody or over the idea of somebody.
When in truth, you can meet somebody for maybe a couple of hours and still feel a connection with them and be completely devastated when it doesn’t actually work out. Time isn’t necessarily a measure of how much you should be feeling for somebody.
So in this case, if you have gone on a date and it just hasn’t worked out and you are really hung up on it, that actually sends me a couple of signals.
And the first signal that that tells me is that you are too invested in the idea of someone rather than actually stepping back and allowing yourself to just pace things out.
When we get hung up on someone that we barely know, it basically signifies that we like the idea of them, because we don’t actually know that much about them.
Maybe that idea of them represents your dream girl or your dream guy, or the possibility of happiness or the possibility of love. And so, we start to attach feelings and emotions, and expectations to that idea. And then, we get disappointed when we actually find out more about them, either they’re not the person who we think they are, or they don’t feel the same way.
Now to avoid this, what we need to do is we need to learn to just stay present on each date and not jump ahead or attach too many expectations until we get to know the person.
So if you’re somebody that does get caught up doing this, what I suggest is limiting the time that you have on the date with them.
For example, don’t usually go on a date for more than two hours if it’s the first date, right? Two hours is a decent amount of time to work out if A, you have chemistry with that person. And B, you want to see them again. So you really need to focus on the first date.
How do I feel when I’m with them and do I want to see them again for a second date, as I get to know more about them?
Now, what we tend to do is when we feel super connected to someone or super excited, we drag it out, we drag it out. Then we see them for four or five hours, we might see them several times during the first week. And it all moves too fast too soon.
You usually get more burnout or you realize you became attached to someone that really wasn’t on the same page as you or just is completely different when you found out more about them.
Try and avoid this in the first place, obviously.
We don’t want to keep dating and then finding that we get hurt and then learning our lesson.
If we can actually avoid all the damage in the first place, by A, setting the pace. B, only going on the first date for two hours. And C, then pulling back and having time to reflect, that helps you have some perspective on who you’re dating and why you’re dating them.
Now, in order to be able to get over somebody that you went on a date with, or the date didn’t work out, that’s just about shifting your focus. It’s about redirecting your energy and your thoughts to something constructive that you want to move towards rather than focusing on something that you cannot go back and change.
Honestly, the best way to actually try and move past someone is actually distraction and discipline.
Distraction, such as going, well, instead of just sitting here and pining over that person, I’m going to go for a run or I’m going to go and write my goals for the next month, or I’m going to go spend time with quality friends.
Distracting your mind, distracting your hands so you don’t text them. That’s a really good way to try and deal with the situation when you’re in it. And it’s starting to arise and you’re feeling anxious by it or sad by it.
Now, discipline is basically making sure that whenever you catch yourself thinking about that person or wanting to text that person, you catch yourself doing it. And then you redirect that thought. You redirect that thought with reason.
The reason being is there’s absolutely no point focusing on something that didn’t work out because whatever you’re saying yes to, you’re saying directly saying no to something else.
So if you’re saying yes to focusing on the date that didn’t work out and you’re putting all your energy into it, you’re going to focus on it. You’ve got to magnify it. And it’s basically going to make you feel like crap. And by doing that, you’re directly saying no to that is going to make you happy.
You’ve got two choices there.
Are you going to focus on what is making you unhappy? Or are you going to focus on what is going to potentially make you happy?
Which are things you can control and new opportunities you can create. All right, guys, that is my answer for this week’s Ask Renee.
And I just want to say this, don’t beat yourself up if you do get hung up on someone that you went on a date with, and it didn’t work out. At least you are being aware of how you feel. And it’s important to acknowledge those feelings.
We just want to make sure that we’re not constantly sitting in those feelings to a point where they are no longer serving us. All right, guys, if you have a question for my Ask Renee series, drop it here. And if you liked this blog, give it a thumbs up and drop thanks, Renee. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel and I’ll see you guys next time. Bye for now.